**PLEASE SEE BELOW FOR UPDATE FROM LEADING HOTELS OF THE WORLD**
Next week I’m going to be all bloggy and update ALL THE TIME, but for right now I am coming out of a self-imposed Internet exile (due to writing work deadlines) to liveblog a bunch of FAIL.
So, the Leading Hotels of the World is having their 80th anniversary this year. To celebrate, they are offering a select group of their hotels’ rooms for $19.28 a night. Nice, right? You KNOW I signed up for that, baby.
The thing is, the promotion is for 80 minutes starting at noon GMT today. I set an alarm on my slick 30Boxes Internet calendar for noon my time, just to be sure I got in, and dutifully signed on.
Sorry! Due to the overwhelming number of consumers currently trying to access this promotion, your request is being delayed momentarily. Please be patient, don’t get discouraged, and retry in a few seconds by clicking here, or by going back to http://www.lhw.com/1928.
Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.
And, for good measure, clickclickclickclickclick.
Bupkis. Nada. Niente. Zip. Zilch. Rien.
12:02 – Half the world isn’t even up yet. Why is it overloaded?
12:10 – I got work to do, I can’t be clicking this all afternoon.
12:17 – The entire site is down. Nice work, LHW.
12:25 – *string of expletives*
12:29 – Now, it takes me back to the sign up page. DO NOT WANT.
12:31 – Really, MacBook? You’re going to wave software updates in my face? CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY HERE?
12:35 – Their tagline is, “Every Quest Has A Beginning.” A beginning filled with FAIL.
12:38 – I feel like one of those crazy shoppers that sleep outside the doors of Best Buy to save a buck.
12:42 – I’m going to run out of cigarettes.
12:48 – Is this because I didn’t visualize it enough? Is Rhonda Byrne laughing at me right now?
12:49 – For the first time in a year, I’ve got 40 bucks in my account. PLEASE HELP ME SPEND IT, LEADING HOTELS OF THE WORLD.
12:50 – *string of expletives*
12:51 – Marco just wrote me in English that his feet are like omelets from walking around Rome doing the toilet project.
12:52 – CAN EVERYONE PLEASE STOP USING THE INTERNETS FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS.
12:55 – I have to pee.
13:00 – OH MY GOD IT’S TIME LET ME ON.
13:01 – clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick
13:03 – Their chipper “Sorry!” message mocks me.
13:12 – *endless string of expletives in three languages*
13:21 – Remember that scene in War Games, when Matthew Broderick booked a trip to Paris using a push-button phone and a Commodore 64? Those were the days.
13:24 – Got email from the other Marco, sending me his Florence toilet info.
13:25 – Really have to pee.
13:32 – Is this some kind of Internet hoax? Am I going to get Rick Rolled and then sent to 4chan?
13:40 – It’s halfway over. Are there even any rooms left?
13:46 – This is ridiculous. COME ON, LEADING HOTELS OF THE WORLD.
14:04 – Maybe no one got on, and they’re going to have to redo it.
14:05 – Fifteen minutes left. Not looking good.
14:08 – No one can be clicking as much as me right now. LET ME ON.
14:10 – HOTEL PROMOTION: UR DOIN IT WRONG.
14:17 – You’re not “Sorry!” at all, are you, Leading Hotels of Fail. You build up my hopes, only to crush them in your grasp as you laugh at my pain.
14:20 – THAT’S IT. WE’RE BREAKING UP.
So, there you have it. I will half-heartedly click throughout the day, but it’s over.
Hotel Princess Extraordinaire gets NOTHING.
Reply from Claudia Kozma Kaplan, Vice President of Corporate Communications at Leading Hotels of the World:
Dear Ms. [me],
We have indeed experienced technical difficulties this morning due to the overwhelming number of individuals who visited the site. Despite our efforts to carefully manage and prepare for this worldwide promotion, the traffic exceeded more than one hundred times our norm.
Please accept our sincere apologies. You will be receiving another opportunity to participate in this offer shortly via email.
In the meantime, please rest assured that we will not be saving your email address in our database for any future solicitations.
With thanks for your understanding and time,
Claudia Kozma Kaplan
So! There it is! Stay tuned for word of a retry of the promotion!!