I often have luxury fantasies about tooling around on a yacht, wind whipping through my hair a la Grace Kelly and waiting for Truman Capote to ask permission to board. But, alas, your Miss Expatria steps one sandal-clad foot on any sea-faring vessel and lunch makes a spectacular return. I’m resigned to a life of waving from the shore as the cabana boy brings me another beverage. But, such are the sacrifices of life, I suppose.
I know next to nothing about boats, so I was surprised to find recently that your run-of-the-mill yachts are not enough for the discerning weekend mariner anymore – there are also megayachts, which is a term reserved for private vessels more than 200 feet long. This is more than enough to qualify for the Superyacht Society, for which the requirements are measly 82-foot yachts.
MEGAYACHTS. Fly your flag of convenience proudly as you drift around the Mediterranean with your fellow fat cats and playthings on board.
Just when I thought a day out on the open seas couldn’t get any more luxe, I find there’s something called a gigayacht.
A gigayacht has only the bare essentials – a tennis court, pool and five accommodation decks including a main saloon, dining room, library, cinema, spa and fitness area.
You can have a garden on board. It has LAND on it. This boat is so big, it can carry on its aft deck “two 45ft motor yachts, as well as space for two 27ft sailing yachts, two cars and water-toys including six jetskis,” according to this “article” in the Daily Mail.
And, you can sail around willy-nilly for FIVE FRICKING YEARS without needing to refuel.
Seriously, now. Come on. At one point does a yacht become a cruise ship?
The good news is, though, that there’s no way that thing is going to pitch and yaw, or whatever they say for a boat that’s being tossed around like a bath toy. Perhaps the gigayacht is the answer to my horrid seasickness! Oh, the problems that have been solved in my life, simply due to luxury.