Life as I know it.

When I left America, I left behind a loving, supportive family and friends I would take a bullet for. Anyone would be glad to have the life I had there. It was a good life.

When I go back, I am often asked how I did what I did, and how I knew this was the life for me.

I give them a cocktail party line about living only once or some such nonsense, because I still remember the moment I decided; that moment is so private and precious to me that even tonight when I tried to explain it to Cal, to illustrate why I was so happy, I suddenly was struck by an uncharacteristic shyness. So much else came between that moment and the moment when I stepped off the plane and into my new life; things that changed my life and the world we all live in today.

My life as it is right now is so different, and exactly the same as I envisioned. Did I picture myself living here? No. But what I did want, before I even knew I wanted it, is exactly what I have right now. And it took a winter of my extreme discontent, and being broke, and a man who loves me unconditionally, and a retarded cat to make me realize that here, in fact, was exactly where I wanted to be.

I cannot begin to describe the freedom I feel in being a freelance… whatever I am. It’s yet another profession that my mother is unable to explain exactly to her friends. But whatever it is, it is exactly what I saw in my head when I saw myself living this life.

As magical as my time was in Rome – I would not trade even a minute of it – and even though I know Montpellier is not the town for me, at all, I know that this is what I was looking for. I feel like Dagney Taggart, as I see her; making a true, honest day’s living in a forthright give and take that simply does not exist in today’s world as I know it.

I sleep when I am tired; I wake when I’m ready; I work until I feel I have done my best and not a minute more. I no longer have to compromise; I no longer have to deal with middle management; there is no one’s vision I have to subscribe to except my own.

Not everyone has my circumstances, and not everyone has the same desires as I do. But whatever your ideas mean to you, I beg you to follow them until you drop. I am coming to you from the other side of my dreams, and I am telling you it is worth it.


9 thoughts on “Life as I know it.

  1. You are my inspiration, dear cuz! I love you and dream about the days to come when we can laugh and toast to the good life…and Marny!! xoxo

  2. Woo! This is amazing! Can fame and fortune be far behind?

    Honestly, there’s no one better to write about this stuff — all KINDS of stuff — than you. I’ll scribble up my crazy night in Paris at some point, but for right now I just want to read YOOOOOOOOO!


  3. Just stumbled upon your site and I’m interested to read more.

    I wrote about my decision to move to southern Italy from the US here and I can see a lot of similar emotions in your decision.

    I look forward to getting to know you better 🙂

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