The Language
Many of Miss Expatria’s loyal readers have taken advantage of her inspired lessons to learn the most useless phrases ever spoken in Italian. If you’d like to sound like a native speaker who’s mildly retarded and/or drunk, you’ve found your teacher!
How to Sound Like an Italian: Pronunciation Guide for Tourists
I forget words. I emphasize the wrong syllable. I hate that every object on earth has a gender. And don’t ever ask me what I “would have been doing” because I guarantee you, my answer will take a while and most likely be incomprehensible.
How to Sound Like an Italian, Miss Expatria Style
Your waiter does not want to know your opinion on stem cell research.
Italian for Tourists: Advanced Guide
When in doubt of a word, say it in English with a heavy Italian accent. No kidding. You can test this out by saying “computer.” Say it like you normally do, and watch them glaze over. Say it, comb-poo-tair (not “pyou,” “poo”), and they’ll light up like a Christmas tree.
Italian Pronunciation: It’s All in the Vowels
It appears that while pecorino is a delicious cheese, pecorina means to have sex doggie-style. Needless to say, I was very popular among the Napoletani for the rest of the weekend. And more embarrassing stories.
Italian Pronunciation: How to Pronounce the Harder Words
sfogliatella = sfole-ya-tell-ah
A pastry from Napoli, crunchy yet flaky with cream inside. Do not eat when wearing black, as the powdered sugar will be your demise.
Italian Pronunciation: Cities
Capri = COP-ree (Yes. Really.)
