Things I’ve Learned While Visiting America

In no particular order; more coming soon:

• If you get a flat on the Garden State Parkway, you have to call the State Troopers, and they call a tow company with parkway privileges.
• Dogs can’t pee or poo in water. They get out, do their business, then get back in.
• Sadly, the same cannot be said about humans.
• Burgers cooked on a grill are a national treasure.
• TV commercials are starting to use lots of indie-type cute music. Like that one with the couple on vacation, and the guy can’t find his sunglasses? And Kindle? Holiday Inn? So hipster. So precious.
• Watching pharmaceutical ads for erectile dysfunction just make everyone in the room uncomfortable.
• Americans eat dinner early not because they are less sophisticated than Europeans or out of respect for their agricultural roots, but because they want enough time to digest before heading out for lots and lots of delicious ice cream.
• Unrelated: Cold Stone Creamery is not named after an adorable dairy farm somewhere; they use a literal cold stone to create ice cream concoctions.
• When buying a home, people will make their decision based solely on the presence of granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances in the kitchen.
• An “Arnold Palmer” is iced tea and lemonade mixed together.
• Cigarettes are hella expensive.
• My love for ice cubes, air conditioners and clothes dryers continues unabated.
• There are some seriously cool phones out there.
• If you try to drive through Atlantic City when Lady Gaga and Flaming Lips concerts let out, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.
• Innovative gadgets may seem junky and the stuff of late night television, but they make life just a little more bearable – and I applaud the American entrepreneurial spirit.

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